Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
