His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
