This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
