forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
