I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
