he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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