Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
