Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
