She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
