I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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