The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I deserve this hangover.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
