all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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