I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You're a waste of cheezeits
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
