I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
