It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
