: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
