garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
