just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
