well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
