i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
