that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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