I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
