I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
