haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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