I think I just saw someone hide a body.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I wear drunk well.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
