the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
