Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
