IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
