Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
