my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I smell stomach acid.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
