I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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