Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
