I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
