hotel room ftw
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
