Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
