my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
