Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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