True but thats because hes a fetus.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
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Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Randomize
