I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
