Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
