What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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