while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
