my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
