I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
