There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
