Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
