be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
