i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Randomize
