Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
