the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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