we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
