yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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