On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
