it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
